Let's be real for once

I'm really getting sick of high school.

I know I shouldn't be.  Everyone says, oh high school was the best time of my life.

I guess even though I try so hard to be normal, Im really just not...

I wish I felt like that.  I wish I could say I loved high school.

But thats all it is: just a wish.

With each day that trudges by, all I can think about is getting the hell out of here.

Maybe it would be different if everyone wasn't so fake.

If everything wasn't about looks, and nice clothes, and expensive cars, and being a star athlete, and looking like a model and being better than everyone else.

Come on people, can we be real for once?

I always seem to be called an idiot when I believe the best of people.  

Now thats something I really don't understand.

And normally Im a pretty smart person.

Its seems like to fit in, you've got to think the worst of everyone else, and focus on their negatives and not the positives.  It seems like if you do that, you're "better" than they are.

At least thats what I see.

Maybe Im blind, or just an idiot.....

I wouldn't be surprised if its just cause Im an idiot.

I feel like I am a lot anyways.

I just want to get out of high school.

So many people say they are so afraid of moving on, but thats something Ive never been scared of.

Ya Im really not normal.

All I know is I can't wait for the real world.

Cause at least it will be just that:

Real.

We're all afraid of something

We are all afraid of something

Although a lot of people pretend to be immune from it, fear infects us all whether we like it or not.

I sit at school and stress about whether or not the people around me are judging me for how I look.
I lay in bed wondering about whats coming next and wishing that I could change what happend in the past.
I nervously check the closet cause really Im afraid of the dark.

No wonder I can't fall asleep.

I go around trying to convince other people that I am not afraid of anything.  Trying to act like I'm free from fear.

Really I should be trying to convince myself.

There is no way to leave fear behind.  It seems to follow us like a shadow.
Let's face it, we are all afraid of something.

Instead learning to overcome the fear we have seems to be the only way to conquer fear.  Learning to cope with fear, to face our fears.

(I watched Divergent last night.....if you can't already tell.)

No, fear will never leave us.  I mean, Im a senior in high school and Im still afraid of the dark, of being alone, of being left out, of girls, and of spiders.

If only the list was really that short.

No I can't get rid of them.  I have to live with them.
But learning how takes time.

We're all afraid of something.

How to.....how to.....how to.....

how to be alone- don't be.... get off your butt, and find something to do with someone, even if it's with your dog.

how to be happy- dont be sad. watch a funny video, listen to a good song, but dont listen to the song happy cause that song doesnt make anyone happy anymore.  Just be happy.  The glass is half full right?

how to become a good singer- sing along with your favorite song every time youre alone in your car or sing in the shower, just sing....but maybe that isnt how to be a good singer, thats just how to sing alot.... oh well.

how to be a good dancer- dont worry about what others think of you, just dance, and if you look like an idiot (which people like me do) at least youre having fun.

how to cook- follow some instructions, put some ingredients together, and try to be smart enough to not ruin it.

how to drive safely- dont text, use your phone, or be distracted, unless you really want to get in a wreck, then go ahead.

how to fit in at lone peak- wear really nice clothes, be really good looking, have the iphone 6, drive a nice car, have a nice house, and put #LPOD on every twitter and instagram post..... also be too cool for everyone else, that helps too.

how to waste time- Netflix.  what else do you need?

how to get a 4.0- show up to class, pay attention, and do your homework.....sounds too good to be true?....try it, its really not that hard.  But if youre too cool for that, I get it, we do go to lone peak.

how to be a photographer- buy a camera and take pictures

how to be a poet- write poetry

how to be a good poet- write good poetry

how to be a teenager- hate everyone and everything and disobey your parents even though you know they are right

how to play the piano- go press the keys and make noise, but to be good at the piano, that actually takes some practice

how to be good at something- do it a lot.....ya thats all I got for this one.

how to be a good blogger- listen to sad music, be creative, be hipster, be a girl, and dont be like me.

Montana

I've dabbled in film making before, but I could never create something quite like this.

You never know what someone might be going through.

Let's help each other out.

Things I do when theres nothing to do

1.  Watch Netflix

2.  Daydream about girls 

3.  Watch sports that I really don't care about.

4.  Watch more Netflix.

5.  Think about as many possible reasons why not to do my homework.

6.  Walk back and forth between the pantry and the fridge hoping that for some reason I will find better food than the stuff that was there the last time I checked..... 

7.  Listen to pandora 

8.  Watch youtube videos.

9.  Take a nap.

10.  Go to the gym.

Finally something productive

11.  Think more about that one perfect girl and think of more and more ways to make her fall for me.

12.  Email missionairies.

13.  Look through old pictures on my phone and remember the good times from summer and wish that I could relive those days.

14.  Listen to more music.

15.  Watch more Netflix

I need to stop watching Netflix.....

16.  Think about getting a job.

17.  Think about all the reasons not to get a job.

18.  Decide not to get a job.

19.  Walk around my house while ignoring my mom telling me to be productive.

20.  Put on my shoes to go for a run.

21.  Take the shoes off, I hate running.

22.  Read a book

23.  Get bored of the book and put it down.

24.  Try to write a blog post for creative writing, but sit for hours with writers block.

25.  Give up on that and go do one of the other 23 things listed above and wait until sunday night to try again.

26.  Try again on sunday and think of any other things to do to waste some time.

Panoramas

I'm not really a photographer,

But these panoramas are some of my favorite 

pictures that I've taken at my

 favorite places that I've 

been in the past few years.

 Chicago

 Lake Powell

Teton National Park

Mount Timp

Winter

Summer